Finding meaning......

    The moon looked beautiful as it rose at the horizon behind the trees, she was walking on the deserted road in the campus attempting to appreciate things she always did……………..the moon, the flowers, the sight of an old couple walking . She always believed that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and it seemed more true than ever to her now…………… because all of it didn’t seem beautiful now             

               

                       The moon always fascinated her, it made her philosophical, it forced her to think , to ponder, to theorize, to appreciate , to find meaning....................but  today it made her sad . she believed beautiful things always make one happy but she  made amends  to her beliefs now and felt things seem beautiful when one is happy..............one must be happy to see the beauty she correlated. and she wondered what was happiness?

How does one achieve it?

Where does one find it?

Are all the people who seem happy really happy?

Is it  ephemeral ?

Is it always followed by sorrow or does it always follow sorrow.................??????

She thought for a while ,then gave up realizing she was trying to find answers, to the most difficult questions that the human race was ever confronted with, just by looking at the moon!!!!! She gave up and thought it all depended on God........one should probably leave it to Him

                   But how did she know that? who told her that it all depended on Him?..........She was reminded of the theories of religion she had studied in Anthropology which suggested that it was man who created God and not God that has created man. Those theories had suggested that the ancient man could not comprehend the reasons behind whatever happened around him or could not make sense out of events such as thunderstorm, lightning, disease, death etc and hence was overawed and associated all of this with something that was more  powerful than the combined power of humanity,something or someone who controlled the universe and the events.this also helped psychologically because it meant shrugging off the burden of responsibility and accept things as His will.

                   She herself had undergone major upheavals in her religious inclinations..............in the early phase when she hadn't attained much in life and consequently did not have much to lose as well , she had been sort of  an atheist and believed in nothing but her capabilities to make things happen .After a while she attained some things in life  and didn't want to lose them and turned into a believer , a bit later she lost them and turned into a god fearing individual ................

                  She saw various interpretations of God and religion..............people getting drunk in the name of religion and picking up fights, people who believed that taking out a procession with music systems blaring vulgar songs was the only way one could satiate one's God, people who would bribe the authorities to get a faster darshan,  people believing that religion could have no relationship whatsoever with logic...............

                                       Another one  was by a friend when he narrated to her a story portraying a young  blind woman who begs for a living , clad in filthy torn clothes  has been abandoned and lives on the streets ,eats all rubbish she can get, raped by people, kicked out of places............. she lives in this very world created by god and amongst the people who are believers of god. There is a man who lives in the same world and one day beheads the woman  proclaiming himself to be God.

 ‘Naan kadavul" a tamil phrase meaning i am God...............

God is supposed to end our suffering and he ends hers

 Her trail of thoughts  got interrupted by the blaze of the headlights of a car that took a turn and entered into the compound..............”tu na jaane aas paas hai khuda “ was the song that played in the car

 she looked up, the moon had travelled up in the sky, it looked smaller......................and less beautiful